Depression often feels like wandering in a fog, unsure of where to turn.
But what if depression isn’t just an obstacle? What if it’s a guide, asking us to pay attention to the places within that need care?
Understanding the connection between depression and unmet needs begins with creating accurate maps of our pain—learning to name and explore our distress so we can uncover the right solutions.
Accurate Maps of Pain: Why They Matter
Imagine trying to navigate without a proper map. If we don’t fully understand where our pain comes from or what it represents, we may look for solutions in the wrong places. Depression often stems from a misalignment between our lived reality and our deeper needs, yet without clarity, we may chase distractions rather than addressing the root cause.
For example:
You feel exhausted but push yourself harder, thinking you lack motivation when rest is what’s truly needed.
You feel lonely but don’t reach out, believing your sadness is a personal flaw rather than a longing for connection.
An accurate map of your pain starts with asking:
What am I really feeling?
What unmet need might this be pointing to?
The Right Story Leads to the Right Solution
The stories we tell ourselves shape how we respond to our pain. If your story is, “I’m just not good enough,” you might try to work harder or withdraw, perpetuating feelings of failure and isolation.
But if you reframe the story—“I feel disconnected and need support”—you can open the door to solutions that nourish you, like joining a community, practising self-compassion, or seeking help.
Steps to Map Your Pain and Rewrite the Story
Pause and Reflect: Use a journal to write down your feelings and trace where they might stem from.
Ask Deeper Questions:
What am I longing for?
What do I need that I’m not giving myself?
Challenge Unhelpful Stories: Replace “I’m broken” with “I am human, and I have needs.”
Take One Small Step: Align your actions with your needs. For example, if the map points to loneliness, try reaching out to a friend.
Reclaiming the Power of Connection
In a world that often prioritises independence and self-reliance, the ache of loneliness can feel overwhelming—especially for women juggling roles as mothers, daughters, partners, or friends. Yet the longing for connection is a fundamental human need, not a failing.
Spaces like Pause The Week, our free weekly women's circle, offer a powerful support for women. These gatherings invite women to step away from the noise of daily life and into a sanctuary of shared experiences. Together, we meditate, reflect, and hold space for each other. Here, the strength of community becomes the medicine, weaving a tapestry of belonging that reminds us of who we are and what we need.
If joining a circle isn’t possible for you right now, start small:
Share your thoughts with a trusted friend.
Engage in small acts of kindness or connection in your daily routine.
Create moments of stillness to listen to your inner voice. Meditate, lose yourself in a book, practice yoga.
Keep a journal and trust it with your thoughts and ideas.
Reconnect with nature, as often as you can.
Gentle Reminder
Depression is not a personal failure; it’s a signal—a map leading you to unmet needs.
By exploring your pain with curiosity and compassion, you can rewrite your story and find solutions that align with your true self.
Urgent Support Options
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or need urgent help, there are resources available to support you:
Samaritans: Call 116 123 for free 24/7 support. You can also email jo@samaritans.org.
Mind: Visit www.mind.org.uk or call their Infoline at 0300 123 3393 for advice and support.
Shout: Text "SHOUT" to 85258 to speak with a trained volunteer via text, available 24/7.
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably): For anyone struggling with life, call 0800 58 58 58 or visit www.thecalmzone.net.
NHS: If you’re in crisis, call 111 and ask for the mental health crisis team, or visit NHS Mental Health Support.
Because no woman should navigate the map of her pain alone. Together, we find clarity. Together, we find our way.
Much Love
Vicki & Sarah xx
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